image KARL SANTIAGO of KLICK-TAC-TOE STUDIO
shot on location at HOLE IN THE WALL for Jesse’s first birthday party in January 2018 aka #JourneyWithBabyJesse
I’m sorry to burst your bubble. As I type this (in my Notes on iPhone), it is almost midnight and I’m in bed embraced by the half-asleep #architecthusband while our two-year-old #LittleBoyJesse is on the other side of the bed, finally asleep. Our kitchen sink full of dirty dishes is waiting for me downstairs (which I plan to get to after I finish this draft), piles of laundry need to be sorted for laundromat drop-off, bathrooms begging for a deeper clean, wardrobe cabinet biding its time before it gets fully “#konmari-ed,” essential oil blend recipes yet to be prepared, to-dos for passion projects in slumber before they get moving, and the list goes on.
So, yeah. We don’t really “have it all together.” What I share online is but a glimpse of the life we live every day—but everything I post is intentional, real, and raw. Case in point: the sunflower pillow I use in most of my social media photos really is the pillow we use in our living room, the same goes with all the knickknacks that are used as backdrop. The cups and plates that I use for food photos? Yup, those are what we really use when we eat and drink at home (I don’t prepare food just to take photos—those food items are actually what we’re going to eat! 😂). I click my phone camera button when the moment calls for it, regardless if, in the photos, we will be questioned if we have bathed already or not (haha!). I don’t really have the time nor energy to “style” the photos—pretty obvious in the kinds of photos I post. Haha! But, always, for us, leading the lives we have now is about being “in the moment” each time, whether there is a camera or none.
One of the reasons I created this personal blog was to have a platform where we can share our journey in marriage, parenthood, recreation, and everything in between. Often, we are surprised (though very flattered) that some of our family members and friends reach out to us to seek our opinions and suggestions (from what brand of fresh milk we give to our son to how best to rearrange, redecorate, or renovate a home) or to share their personal stories as they need someone to listen to them (from delicate pregnancies and parenting woes to relationship quarrels).
I feel guilty that inasmuch as I’d like to be able to reply immediately, most of the time I get sucked into the daily demands of juggling home, church, business, and social lives (I have at least 50 Facebook messenger messages and around a dozen Instagram DMs I need to read and respond to—I know, I’m awful!). Hopefully, in this platform I’d be better organized and more responsive.
A few minutes ago, my high school bestfriend has opened up to me about her difficulty in adjusting to motherhood. She asked: “how did you survive?” I answered: “I am still surviving!” She had to be reminded that every one and each person’s journey (parenting or otherwise) is different and that she shouldn’t compare herself, her baby, or her relationship to others.
I then recalled how paranoid I also was during the first three months of our little boy’s life—I never bathed him myself because I was scared he’d slip from my hands, so it was either my mom or my husband who did that task every single day until I was confident enough to hold him during bath time. I would also whisper a prayer or two every time I would leave the baby in the crib because I was too afraid something wrong might happen. It was borderline crazy, I tell you! Good thing my mom, in her straightforward nonchalance, talked some sense into me: “para kang walang Diyos (you act as if you don’t have God).” Then, I remembered me and my husband’s mantra in life: “let go and let God.” We can only do so much but everything should be lifted up to Him to ease our worries as we always have Him to help us soldier on and He will never fail us.
Almost in tears, I shared with my bestfriend (as I am sharing it now for all the online world to see): “Don’t blame yourself. What you are experiencing right now is normal. Trust that things will get easier. Always talk to God. Always talk to your husband. You always have me to listen to you—I will never get tired of it. Kung ako ‘di mapapagod makinig, si God pa kaya? 😊 (If I won’t get tired listening, what more if it’s God?).”
Interesting how just last Sunday, it was taught during the worship service that prayer is the most powerful weapon of the believer. Indeed, it really is.
“And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” – Matthew 21:22 (English Standard Version)
PS: I am a woman of faith (a deaconess at Iglesia Ni Cristo/ Church of Christ) but very rarely do I share Bible verses because I never want to impose my beliefs on others. But this particular situation calls for it. Hence, the specific Bible verse.
How about you? How do you keep it together (because I don’t think any normal human being would ever “have it all together,” right? 😊)? Leave your reply below, direct message me on Instagram, or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you!