BEHIND THE SCENES

I Left My Husband for the Second Time

shot on location at POPEYE’S ALABANG TOWN CENTER during the #architecthusband‘s and #BigBoyJesse‘s 2020 birthday

This will probably be the most open and controversial blog post I will write and share. But I feel it’s something that needs to be talked about.

The first time I left my #architecthusband was in January 2019. A few weeks right before his birthday. Cruel, I know. 

I am confrontational and JS is not. “Frank,” “straightforward,” and “tactless” may even be the best terms to describe me. By “confrontational,” that means I say what’s in my mind whenever I want to, mostly without thinking of the other person’s feelings. But I can do it so casually without being emotional. JS is a different breed. He is careful, sensitive, and thoughtful—traits I clearly do not possess. But when he gets angry, he can say the harshest words even if he doesn’t mean them.

No, he does not hurt me physically. I want to clear that up. Physical abuse and infidelity are the two things I consider UNFORGIVABLE. I’ve been telling him that since we were only dating. I stand by it until my grave. Hahahaha! But I don’t want to put him in a place or situation where he could abuse me verbally, so what I do is I flee.

So, in early 2019, while JS was out for a church activity, I packed bags for me and #BigBoyJesse, left JS a farewell note, and checked in at a hotel. It crushed JS’ soul when he found out and confessed later on that it made him feel like he no longer had purpose in life.

I’d probably receive flak for doing such a thing. “Why did you leave? That is so unGodly. Just talk through your problems. Keep your family intact,” the seemingly perfect ones would most likely say. 

I left because I was in emotional pain. I did not want to inflict the same pain on JS had I stayed. I also did not want our problems to go unresolved—something that would have probably happened if I chose to stay quiet.

JS knew where Jesse and I were staying because I once told him that if he makes me so mad, I’d leave him and I’d check in at a certain hotel and stay there until our funds have ran out. LOL.

The next morning, I heard JS knocking on our hotel door and we’ve reconciled since.

In early 2020, a week or two after his birthday, JS and I got into another major fight (it seems like an annual thing, we’ll see this 2021, but the pandemic might get in the way. LOL 😂). No violence whatsoever but hurtful words and gestures were exchanged. I know myself too well and had I stayed, I could have blurted out painful words I could never take back.

That time, I packed my bags and left alone. Yes, as difficult as it was, I left our son Jesse with JS to prove a point—that I will not tolerate any disrespectful words or gestures in our household. Since JS already knew which hotel I would most likely stay at, I booked an Airbnb instead.

I spent the loneliest three days in a quaint room all by myself. And stuffed myself with junk food: unlimited pizza, milk tea, and other sinful takeout food. I filed for a leave of absence at work and thought I could finish a creative personal project when I was all alone but I was wrong. I spent the three days crying my eyes out. Bwahahahahaha!

On the third day, JS sent me photos and videos of Jesse—they were only eating fastfood. I knew right then JS was not doing well emotionally either as he couldn’t find the drive to cook home-cooked meals.

I decided to go home just when I thought of transferring to another Airbnb unit to experience a different environment. The whole thing made me entertain the thought of investing in a secret condo unit where I could hide at. Hahahaha!

Both instances proved my point to JS—that we cannot disrespect each other just because we are in the heat of an argument. I always remind him that I will not allow Jesse to grow up in a household where the adults are compelled to raise their voices to get their message across or to exchange hurtful words. I am very protective of our son’s demeanor, he wouldn’t be this sweet, charming, and happy toddler he is today had we raised him in an unpleasant environment.

But why am I sharing something this personal to the public? To let people know that we are NOT PERFECT. Far from it. What we share online is but a small fraction of our lives. And that marriage is hard work, that staying married is a choice we make every single day. When I married JS, he knew I was stubborn and I knew he had a temper, but we decided to accept each other and build a life together because that’s what true love is about. Marriage is not a fairytale, it is a commitment. For us, it is not just a piece of paper, it is a vow we made to God that we will stand by each other for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, until death do us part.

Except physical abuse and infidelity. LOL. Those two things remain unforgivable in my vocabulary. 😉 If you experience any of those two—give yourself respect and get out FAST!

Which is why it is very important for neither the husband nor wife to become dependent on each other financially, emotionally, or mentally. Marriage is not a union of two incomplete people completing each other (had JS used Jerry Maguire’s famous line “You complete me,” I would not have married him because I would never marry someone broken in the first place), you should be complete on your own as an individual before diving into one. More on that next time. 😊

How about you? How do you overcome challenges in your marriage or relationships in general? Would you agree with my method in dealing with disagreements? If not, what would you have done differently? Feel free to share your thoughts below, send me a note at bequalshappiness@yahoo.com, or comment/ DM me at @titaabbie on Instagram. Thank you!

Lovelots,

(Get to know more about me here)

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